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The Joy of Conflict Resolution: Transforming Victims, Villains and Heroes in the Workplace and at Home, by Gary Harper
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The rapid rate of change in the workplace and among families often leads to conflict and confrontation which can undermine productivity and poison relationships. The Joy of Conflict Resolution helps readers understand conflict and why it arises through the lens of the “drama triangle” of victims, villains and heroes. In an accessible, engaging and lighthearted style that uses stories and humor to explore potentially emotionally charged situations, it provides proven and practical skills to move beyond confrontation to resolve conflicts collaboratively.
In over 13 years as a trainer, facilitator and mediator, Gary Harper has taught thousands of people in both the public and private sectors to successfully manage conflict. He also teaches for the Centre for Conflict Resolution at the Justice Institute in Vancouver, BC.
- Sales Rank: #221935 in Books
- Published on: 2004-09-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .60" w x 6.00" l, .70 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 208 pages
Review
null (2004-05-26)
The rapid rate of change in the workplace and among families often leads to conflict and confrontation which can undermine productivity and poison relationships. The Joy of Conflict Resolution helps readers understand conflict and why it arises through the lens of the "drama triangle" of victims, villains and heroes. In an accessible, engaging and light-hearted style that uses stories and humor to explore potentially emotionally charged situations, it provides proven and practical skills to move beyond confrontation to resolve conflicts collaboratively.
(2004-04-20) About the Author
Gary Harper is a respected trainer in the field of conflict resolution. With thirteen years experience as a facilitator and mediator, he has worked with thousands of people in a variety of different organizations, as well as presenting regularly at conferences. He teaches at the Justice Institute in Vancouver, and lives in Burnaby, BC.
Excerpt. � Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
null (2004-05-26)
Most helpful customer reviews
16 of 16 people found the following review helpful.
A place to start
By Stephen Ruback
Entertaining read with some useful information and a simple model for change and resolution in some, mostly benign, environments. The basic positions described offer a functional insight for simplification of how to rethink our roles with others. While useful, the concept is oversimplified when individual intent is added as another variable. In a world of sunshine and roses where everyone operates from a basis of good will to others, it provides a useful insight for avoiding common relationship road bumps. For more ardent conflicts based on deeply held judgments, deception, long patterns of passive aggressive fears and anger this simple model is way outgunned.
Over all, a good read and useful idea.
If you read this book, be sure to read "I'm OK, You're OK" by Thomas Harris, as it will help add important new dimension to the concepts.
These two books should be combined for at least 4 times the benefit.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Helpful insights
By Joyce
Harper explores how people in conflict unconsciously adopt three roles: Victim, Hero, and Villain. He encourages self-awareness in playing these roles. He notes that the roles shift as a conflict rolls along. To eliminate Villain, you must give up the Victim role and ask directly . The Hero must let go of being right. The Villain must let go of attacking, even in self-defense. Harper sees conflict as unmet needs. He encourages us to notice our assumptions and to move from judgment to curiosity. He devotes a chapter to defensiveness, noting that what underlies our defensiveness is an “unbearable idea.” One chapter is titled, “Standing Up for Ourselves (Without Knocking the Other Person Down).” He points out in this chapter that it isn’t useful to take the position that “I’m okay. They need professional help.”
Here are some of Harper’s tips for being a Warrior of the Heart and for exploring outside the triangle of Victim, Hero, Villain.
1. Observe yourself.
2. Clean up your own stuff.
3. Notice the defensive impulse.
4. When triggered, ask, “What do I fear?”
5. Note emotional signals and ask yourself, “What’s going on here?” Ask the other. Don’t assume you know.
6. Listen for the others’ needs.
7. When you see you are in a position, ask, “What is important to me?”
8. Rather than react to personal attacks, get curious.
9. Put your movie on pause and restate the other person's story.
10. Conflict is messy. It has to be. Otherwise, everything won’t come out.
11. Keep a sense of humor.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Awesome viewed book
By Enthusiastic
its states a lot of points to people's mindset and you get a good grip to a better understanding of people behaviors and how to understand and deal with many attitudes at a workplace and people you come to contact every day in life.
this book clearly shows a refined way of incorporating how to deal with people you can't stand to people whom you feel is not listening to you or your needs... it's worth to read twice and dialogue your way towards people through this book. clearly is well written, not all is 100 but its worth a good read. you will feel clear and precise with this book. try it.
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